Viva Venezia!

Sunday I got back from a family holiday in Venice and its lagoon.

Venice, in case you don’t know, has lots of two things: bridges and tourists. I wasn’t able to take any pictures of the tourists because there were too many tourists blocking the view. But here’s the place they swarm to: Piazza San Marco (where there is a surprising lack of pigeons actually) and the Palazzo Ducale di Venezia.

Touries everywhere and an Earl Grey costs €9.

My family and I were on a houseboat, though, so we only spent a marginal amount of time in Venice which was enough to appreciate its fantastic squares and lanes, canals and churches.

A definite must: a tattoo on my arm saying SONO GAY with a heart.

As in many great cities, Venice has its tourist thoroughfares and entirely unvisited parts of the city frequented by no-one. But while in Paris straying off the Champs-Élysées gives easy access to solitude, the main drags in Venice (aside from Palazzo San Marco) are as wide and spacious as any other street or lane or square, namely not at all so, and you can’t tell which is which. If you are fortunate enough to be able to stray, though, then you’re met with some awesome shit.

One such awesome place is the Palazzo Pesaro degli Orfei, former studio, factory, and home of Mariano Fortuny, a true Renaissance man who painted, designed lighting apparatii for the stage, created fabrics and gowns for rich women, what have you.

The palazzo is full of strange objects and curiosities and everywhere are these long and comfortable sofas. I managed to sneak only two photos.

This below is of a writing installation in a hallway by the bathroom.

It’s a real gem and a very peculiar place, akin to the Sir John Soane museum in London or the Isabella Stewart Gardner in Boston.

I spotted this Venetian-style Aufbau on a square.

That must’ve pissed a few people off.

Fact: The glass in the lanterns of Venice is pink.

Fact: The mainland territories around Venice are devoid of forests because all the wood was used up for creating foundations for the buildings and other aquatic accoutrement like mooring posts.

Fact: Harry’s wouldn’t let me in ’cause I was wearing (tasteful) shorts.

Fact: a €19 croque monsieur better come with a blow job.

More facts:

Some awesome tureens and some bitchin’ shoes.

Anyways, I spent a total of three days in Venice, nicely spread out. The rest of the time we was houseboatin’!

Major stops included the Lido, Murano, and Burano, though favorites were Torcello and islands we didn’t bother to learn the names of.

Burano is known for its lace and colored houses.

They have these convenient lifts for geriatrics and invalids.

!

On the Lido we were parked in a cabana next to a cliché Italian family. Children were smacked around, cigarettes were smoked with meals, “Mamma Mia!” was cried, fun was had by all.

Cut to: Very quiet tourists next door.

At this fresh water mooring the warning statements got more ridiculous as you moved down, the German one being misspelled and meaning nothing whatsoever.

Can someone tell me what I was eating here?

It was bony and looked like the Chinese dish in ExistenZ.

A few glitches, like high and low tide, had to be ironed out.

… or rather waited out.

Torcello saw us reversing into my little sister and bequeathing her with battle scars. But it was well worth it because Torcello has some beautiful scenery.

This restaurant looks unassuming enough but it is one of the most beautiful and tasty ones I have ever had the pleasure of eating at.

Inside there were pictures of the Queen, Princess Diana, Hemingway, Churchill, Kim Novak, Sinatra, and a slew of others. Later we found out it was founded by the same guy that founded Harry’s Bar, Giuseppe Cipriani. And here they let me in!

Much better.

Dingo di Torcello:

A great trip.

-d.